We know you want them, and we know you like to squeeze them, but it gets annoying to be surprised all the time by having your husband grabbing your boobs and if you aren’t doing it the right way, you are probably going to lose your rights or your wife is going to treat you more like a pesky fly than the man you really are. So I thought I’d offer the men some tips today on how to grab your wife’s boobs leaving her wanting more instead of having her swat your hand away and glare at you.
Wrong Way: Give her a quick kiss on the lips and reach down and squeeze her boob quickly before she notices and can stop you, then act like nothing happened.
Right Way: If you want to do the kiss and grab, then you need to up the passion. Push her against the wall, kiss her hard and long and fondle her boobs strongly (but not painfully), you could even use both hands if you want for this one.
Wrong Way: Quick grab while she’s sitting and you walk by, and then go back to your work.
Right Way: If you walk by her and want to grab her, then you need to start slowly; take a finger and slowly slide it down her neck, circle her breast with it and end with a squeeze. Then go back to your work, she just might follow you.
Wrong Way: Demand that you are the man of the house and want instant access to her body any time you feel like it and make her comply.
Right Way: Tell her that her body is irresistible to you and you can’t manage to keep your hands off of her, and then start grabbing her all over.
Right Way: Start tickling her from behind while she’s cooking and work your way up to her boobs and just sneak in a few grabs while she’s busy laughing.
Right Way: As foreplay for sex.
Wrong Way: In front of the kids
Right Way: While you’re giving her an orgasm.
Wrong Way: In a public place (unless you’ve already got her pushed up against a wall and are making out with her)
I hope this information helps you and gets you less rejections from your wife!
If you have any more right or wrong ways that I missed, I’m sure our readers would love to know them.
For all the women still reading…dare you to flash him with your towel next time you get out of the shower.
Tagged: Christian Marriage, Christian Sex, Divorce, Pleasing Your Wife, Relationships, Sex, Sexy
Flash him! Heck, I prefer to stand there and start applying body lotion. It’s too good of a dare to resist!
Thanks for the post, well writ as usual.
TMI, hon. I think the idea is to speak in generic terms around here, not kiss and tell.
Okay!
Hi FG, welcome to the blog! It is always great to hear new ideas. Mystery is not my greatest virtue, but I do believe highly in it’s powers.
I didn’t think you were shy, I love that idea, my husband thinks body lotion is icky and he won’t touch me if I use it, maybe if I used it properly though…hmmm.
I gotta be honest, I gently “honk” my wife’s boobs with a big naughty boy grin and it works a treat. You have to actually say the word “honk” though. It’s vitally important to show no fear as you do it and have eye contact as well. Also it’s helpful if you make a lot of money.
If I were your wife, you’d get slapped. You might get a warning first.
Just as I suspected…
Well, it is widely known that Athol is a Very Bad Man – lol.
^^smile^^
Got it. Clear. Ill keep this in mind.
Hope it helps, good luck!
Call me crazy, but I suspect the “honk” technique ONLY works if you’ve got a lot of money and are not already married to her. After all, once she’s got community-property laws on her side, there’s no reason she needs to put up with the “honk” any longer. But if you’ve got gobs of money and the girl is a gold-digger, you can get away with anything. Heck, you can violate all the “wrong way” rules above and a greedy floozy will still take it with a grin. I’m just sayin’.
I suspect you might be right, the last time I saw the honk technique was on Family Guy, and I never watched it again.
“After all, once she’s got community-property laws on her side, there’s no reason she needs to put up with the “honk” any longer.”
And the fact that you go straight to bringing up community property laws, and the related divorce, is why so many men won’t even give the slightest thought to actually getting married. Why get married when the odds are so strong that my future wife is looking forward to knowing that she can blackmail me with the threat of divorce as soon as the ceremony is over?
Honking would be a very silly reason for a divorce. In fact I don’t even believe in divorce, you can see my views on divorce here: Some Jumbled Thoughts on Divorce
Fear is not a good excuse for anything, God tells us over and over “do not fear”, if you are going to make a decision to marry, fear should not be involved.
@Sis
Nice job of submitting to your man there, Sis.
You are exactly the type that men fear becoming involved with because Marriage 2.0 has made divorce so easy for a woman and so difficult for a man.
Hi Gina,
Thanks for visiting my blog! I don’t think you understand how very against divorce I am. It’s good to know someone else on the same page.
Great ideas that are right on the mark!
Thanks Robyn!
[...] Christian Marriage a few days back and added it to the feed reader. Yesterday’s post was For the Men: The Right Way to Grab Your Wife’s Boobs. A collection of things to do and not do with the fondling of the bosom. So in the comments I [...]
Brian,
I brought up “community-property laws” in response to Athol Kay’s comment that “it helps if you make a lot of money”. In other words, he was implying that a woman allows the thing when her husband makes a lot of money. I was only noting that, in fact, there’s no reason for her to allow herself to treated in a way that might offend her, since, after all, she already owns half of his money. In other words, the money is no longer a sufficient ground to allow being offended (assuming a woman finds the “honk” offensive or obnoxious).
I was not, however, suggesting a woman seek divorce, nor do I suspect any woman would divorce her husband over a “honk”. Refusing to get married on the ground that one may be blackmailed in the future appears to be a tenuous reason for refusing to marry. One may as well conjecture any number of negative scenarios to avoid marriage. For that matter, one may as well conjecture any negative scenario for any number of things, thus avoiding having to do something one wishes never to do.
[...] Christian Marriage a few days back and added it to the feed reader. Yesterday’s post was For the Men: The Right Way to Grab Your Wife’s Boobs. A collection of things to do and not do with the fondling of the bosom. So in the comments I [...]
“there’s no reason she needs to put up with the “honk” any longer”
“Put up with”? You mean there are women who don’t want their breasts fondled by the men they love?
Quite the contraire, love it; I just think there’s a difference between a wife and a prostitute. Welcome to the blog Badger, it is an honor to have you here.
If you read Athol Kay’s description of the “honk”, it doesn’t resemble fondling at all. Now, please don’t think I’m opposed to the honk. I personally have a silly sense of humor, and if I thought my wife would tolerate it, I’d honk her all day long. But my initial reaction was that women, unlike us guys, are probably less likely to see the humor in it or to find it stimulating in any way — in that sense, I don’t think it’s something with which they’d want to put up.
Finally, if Athol’s wife has no problem with his honking her, then more power to them. I never suggested there was anything wrong with the honk. I merely suggested that most women wouldn’t find it appealing.
I just wanted to thank you for standing up for your beliefs, the blog took quite a hit yesterday, and the things you said were much more effective coming from a man than from a woman. There is nothing more handsome than a man who respects and stands up for women.
Fondled and honked are two very different things. When my husband honks my breasts it hurts and is a big turn off. He thinks he is being playful. I used to think I was being playful when years ago I would walk up to him and cup his balls without warning. It scared the crap out of him every time. It didn’t even hurt him, and I stopped doing it.
The breast honking hurts me, especially at some points in my cycle. I have told him I don’t like it, but it still happens rarely because he just has this honking thing deeply embedded in his brain. I don’t slap him, I do automatically make an uphappy face though, and then he is upset because he forgot that I don’t like it.
It is like something men do for their own amusement at the expense of their partner. By the nature of honking, it is only about the man and has never been meant for the enjoyment of a woman. Some women may like having their body used for the amusement of a man. More power to them! I have enjoyed having my body used for my husband’s pleasure even without my own, or even experiencing some pain myself, but I don’t feel like it is worth it for him to just amuse himself with my body at my expense. To frequently grin and bear it if my husband persisted in touching me in uncomfortable ways just so he could have a chuckle would erode my attraction to him. Fondling is pleasurable for both.
Sis, I think your tips really reflect the ways women would rather be touched.
Thank you Bene, you are such an encouragement to me, you couldn’t have said it more eloquently.
I dunno, I’m a woman, and a playful honk (with sound effect) would just make me giggle. Not disrespectful in the slightest, unless it was in public. To each their own, I guess.
Hi Redpillwifey, welcome to the blog! Maybe you are a little more confident in your relationship than me?
Perhaps… I dunno. My guy and I are generally pretty playful and goofy. We’ve got 3 kids and constant stress, we have to make each other laugh somehow. When we were in a much tougher place (didn’t like each other much at all), I would have been pretty annoyed by a honk. But I was pretty annoyed by any physical contact at all.
I am visiting from Athol Kay. I’m glad you shared your thoughts on this. My husband doesn’t “honk” but does cop a feel which i like. I think of the honk as immature. My point in leaving a comment though is simply to state that I find it weird that someone thinks they have a right to do something to their spouse just because they are married. I am learning a lot from the man blogs, most very helpful but I notice a theme that if the wife doesn’t like something then we are wrong. It is tiring.
Hi Gabrielle,
It is good to have another like-minded woman here. I think most husbands want to make their wives happy and not just be selfish.
I’m more partial to the “tune in tokyo”. Great fun for all.
Had to look that one up.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tune+In+Tokyo
I think I vaguely remember that from an 80′s movie.
Great list sis! Awesome to keep in mind! I know from personal experience when I learned some of these better approaches I was “granted” the access I was always trying to get (inappropriately) when I was using the wrong way methods. Thanks for adding a few more “right way” ideas to my list!
Thanks,
Brad
Hey Brad,
Thanks for visiting! I love your blog, and it’s nice to have your encouragement.
THE RIGHT WAY…..Reach out and give em a squeez.
THE WRONG WAY…..Doesn’t exist. If she says there is a wrong way you
need a new woman. Any and all protests to the contrary is feminist bullsh*t.
So the wife has no say in if something upsets her? Does that apply in the bedroom too? If my husband is nibbling to hard I can’t tell him it hurts? What about a smack on the behind? Hmmmm. I pretty much want hubby to touch me at all times (and I touch him a lot as well) but if something hurts him then I would stop. That is simply being thoughtful of the spouse. It is not feminism to have a opinion.
Ah Gabrielle,
We should give him a break, it doesn’t sound like he is married yet. He’ll learn how fun it is to be able to get your wife to follow you around like a drooling puppy simply by touching her the right way.
True;-)
Been married for decades. And can remember when men were men, women were women and feminists were still regarded as the idiots they are.
It’s still unclear what feminism has to do with this topic. Why is it, if a woman expresses an aversion to a specific behavior, that that makes her a feminist? As a man, I’m all for traditional roles, and I can’t stand the feminazi perspective, but this issue has nothing to do with feminism.
Hi Frank, I think he’s coming from the viewpoint that women shouldn’t tell their husbands no because they are in charge. Hence feminism. It’s nice to have men that would rather make their wives happy than lead with an iron fist.
@ Dan
My mistake for assuming you weren’t married yet. I always appreciate true masculinity.
Oh this is such a good post. While each couple with have their own ways of dealing with each other, it is good to ask after and consider each other’s preferences. People with more sensitive breasts may prefer a different approach to those that have less sensitive breasts.
C
Yes, that is the point. Most men actually want to please the woman in their life and not just satisfy their needs. If you can do both at the same time, it is better.
[...] For the Men: The Right Way to Grab Your Wife’s Boobs (passionatechristianmarriage.wordpress.com) [...]
New here…
As my wife just said, she would agree with the list, though she understands that she has a role to play. Yes, there should be some understanding on the woman’s part that it is meant in fun…not, not that he should hurt you, but that he does want to touch randomly. For years my wife wouldn’t understand it, and hated it more than was physically hurt by it. Now, though she understands it’s a form of affection similar to a kiss on the cheek, and a hug…just a message that says, “I’m thinking about you and I love your body.” Now, it seems as if it’s received better, and I at the same time listened to her concerns, learned “how to do it right” and it’s much better. But the bottom line is, yes, we’re fascinated by them. A little acceptance of that (yes, I’m gently speaking to attitude here) goes a long way. Not giving us permission to be abusive, but accepting of the gesture for what it is. If he hurts, that’s another story. But not letting him because you don’t get it? Not a good reason to stop him as far as I’m concerned.
I couldn’t agree more with that statement. This is something we went through for a long time, he would come grab me, and I would get mad because I thought he wasn’t respecting me enough and just wanted to humiliate me. So he got hurt for the rejection and I got hurt for the humiliation. I thought that I could just teach him to touch me in different ways, but the rejection went deep. He would just give up on touching me and decided that I didn’t like him. I’ve loosened up a little more, and realized that he isn’t trying to humiliate me and he has become more sensitive also. I wish we hadn’t spent so many years in that cycle.
This is the first blog I’ve ever written towards men, I really was just trying to help them. I think the honking comment just shocked me, my husband has never tried that on me and I really don’t think he would.
I forgot to welcome you SD, thanks for reading my blog and visiting today.
You’re welcome!! My wife and I have recently gone through a “rejuvenation” so to speak in our marriage, and one thing we’ve done is followed a few CMBA blogs…and we’re definitely going to add yours to the list! She’s looking back through some of your old posts now, actually!
Here’s an excerpt from my old blog that you reminded me of:
Exuberant Love Attacks
Last night while I was sitting at my computer reading blogs, my husband snuck up behind me and grabbed both of my boobs and just started playing with them. “STOP IT!” I said and he rejectedly sat down at his computer. I told him he can’t just sneak up on me and attack me and expect me to respond in a positive way. Then I remembered that we have had this fight before and he was really offended when I called his advances an attack. So I said, “OK, it wasn’t an attack, it was an..an..exuberant display of your love that caught me off guard.” and then we talked, and we went back to playing on the computers for awhile, and then I had to talk about it some more, and we finally made sure that we both still loved each other and felt good about the other one.
But lately, I’ve been realizing something about my husband that I really like, it’s always been there, I just kind of forgot about it.
He is so manly.
Somehow sneaking up behind a woman and just grabbing what you want is very sexy in a Viking-warrior kind of way; and my sensibilities to scream and get mad about it are kind of getting in the way of what could be a very thrilling trip down sex lane. Somehow, I’m going to have to figure out how to get out of the way of my instincts and jump on this hot viking warrior-man who insists on grabbing me in the most indecent ways. I would really hate to squelch this more primitive side of his nature; so today, I think I’m going to put on my feminine perfume, maybe put some curls in my hair, and wait for my warrior to come home to me for a do-over.
I loved this. I have been accused of being disrespectful by grabbing a quick squeeze of her boobs or even her butt! But I really prize her as a wonderful gift from God to me! How wonderful it is to enjoy each other! I just wish she could see it like one of your readers said as another way of acknowledging her as the focus of my thought and affection! Wonderful!!!!
I love how you speak of your wife, it is inspiring. Pray for her, and send her my way.
Found this post when The Marriage Bed tweeted it – awesome!
It made us both giggle, because we had just finished up a song for a game regarding the SAME topic a few days prior to your post (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WZ-_Pv6czE&feature=player_embedded). What are the odds?! Thanks for the post, glad it was tweeted!
That was a truly weird and funny video. I’ll have to check out your blog.
Wife is breastfeeding right now, so breasts are off limits! They are all touched out.
It must he your first! Because that’s when their the most fun! My wif and i both miss the breast feeding days!
Nope, fourth.
I remember those days, if my husband tried to touch me, I would have a “let down” and just start squirting all over, it was so embarrassing. I clicked follow on your blog, it looks interesting!
Yeah, we went through that issue with baby #3, this time it doesn’t seem to be quite so sensitive to touch in terms of let-down, just that the baby is eating every 2 hours or so right now (6 month growth spurt), so she is just so sick of something attached to her chest. That’s OK, I understand, they’ll be mine again soon enough.
I’m glad you found my blog interesting. I hope that meant you liked it, but if not and it was just thought provoking, that’s OK as well!
I do like your blog, I read it often.
Chiming in just to add to the variety of responses here. I will absolutely grab a squeeze when I think (hope?) the moment is right. If I’m wrong she will generally lash out with the closest fist or foot stomp and if I’m not quick I end up with bruises. Smiles all around, context is everything. But then we play rough.
It’s refreshing to have someone get that hitting isn’t always abusive. We are on the rougher side too I think.
This is an issue?
Yes, I think it’s a big issue in many marriages. It’s difficult to go from protecting your valuable and chaste body from your husband while dating straight to random grabs, honking, and whatever else he comes up with. Men love to be grabbed, so it doesn’t make sense to them why it is difficult for women to get used to it. We are much slower sexual creatures and our natural reaction to being surprised this way is to be defensive. The manosphere has already let me know they feel it is unacceptable for a woman to put any conditions on her boob access to her husband. I was genuinely trying to be helpful with this article, not antagonistic.
I just stumbled on your blog and must say, I’m intrigued. My (christian) wife and I were separated this year, but are now in a reconciliation period. It’s tough. I started my blog as an outlet. Your posts help and I’ll share it with her. Thanks
Welcome to the blog Renaissance man! Reconciliation is tough but possible, what is your story?
My story as it relates to why we separated after 17 years of marriage?
[...] For the Men: The Right Way To Grab Your Wife’s Boobs [...]
Just found this post through a blog somewhere…I can’t remember now how. I go clicking a lot from one to the next.
I am curious, I don’t mind at all the “honk” kind of move but my hubby seems to like to play with my nipples a lot just randomly and somehow it annoys me unless we are making love. Is this strange? I feel bad because I told him once (and was very careful to do so in such a way as to inform and not shoot down his fun in the moment) and he is always so concerned that I only ever have fun he immediately pulled away…and now every time he catches himself doing it (I haven’t even made any faces at him, he will catch himself right away) he gets all sad looking and stops touching altogether. I’m having a hard time getting across to him that randomly touching boobs = okay, playing with nipples = only fun during sex. It’s almost like it’s too much stimulation to jump straight to without any foreplay. I always feel bad because I am pretty happy to be touched/grabbed except for this one thing.
I completely agree that nipple stimulation is intense and not very comfortable for casual foreplay. Next time you catch him (or he catches himself) doing it, take his hand and move it down to your pussy? This should both encourage him and feel better for you.
Mmm yes, I think maybe you are right. I will give that a go! The funny part is I’m usually all toowilling to eventually get to that stage of the game when he does it, I just need a little ramping FIRST before that is enjoyable. He seems to do it as a mindless thing while we are cuddling watching TV or some such thing. I told him “If you want to have sex then LET’S but don’t just randomly rub my nipple and that’s all”.
You are going to have to discourage him, but subtly works best with men. Instead of directly telling him “don’t rub my nipples”, subtly get up and go get some tea or a book. He will still get the message, but indirectly. Be patient, he’ll figure it out and then when he does something right, ooh and aah and make lots of happy noises.