Escaped to my dirt roads (my sanctuary) with a bible this morning for a little one-on-one time with God. The wind on my face and the sound of the cottonwood leaves give me peace and release to be myself and to simply feel, and notice and absorb His presence. I told Him, “God I’m not enough today, I can’t seem to get things right, and I really suck at mystery and hard-to-get, my poor husband knows practically every thought that enters my head and has to deal with it somehow.” ” God, I’m not skinny enough, and I’m give way too much information on my blog about my sex life and everyone is going to think I’m trashy. But at the same time, I’m not interesting enough and slutty enough to keep his attention without some sort of game.” I release my fears to the One who listens and who loves me no matter how stupid I am and who will gently guide this lost sheep back to His fold.
So I open my bible and here’s what He has for me today.
He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20
Yes Lord, I’m feeling my heart being ripped apart and destroyed, perhaps I need to choose my friends more wisely?
And then I notice the flocks of birds feeding on the milo, and I’m reminded of how He will always take care of me and I needn’t worry.
And I open my bible again and He speaks to me loudly with this one…
“After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.
Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”
While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”
When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. ” Matthew 17:1-6
My God is powerful! Even if I’m not enough, He is! Even if I screw this marriage and life thing up daily, He is here to help and His power is like nothing here on earth. I can rest in Him and trust Him that He is working everything for good, no matter how bleak things seem.
So, today I’m going to lean on my Father heavily, let Him carry me back to where I need to go, and trust that everything is going to be okay.
Tagged: Christ, Christian Marriage, God, Jesus, Lord, Love, Marriage, Relationships
So much in common…expect for the blog thingy.
You will make it…He will lead you.
I like you Kate!
I really enjoyed the post. I recently started following and although I was kind on surprised at first, I realized that we’re a lot alike. For the record, I don’t think you’re trashy. Keep up the great work..
Hi ML, thanks for following, it is always exciting to have a new reader. Thanks for not thinking I’m trashy, and I’m glad to know someone else who struggles sometimes. God bless! (what a beautiful profile picture!)
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Oh, Sis! Remember that at times the enemy will use your own fears and struggles to attack you. That he will kick you when you are down and he loves to make us doubt.
You are not trashy, you are honest. If you are concerned about your honesty, talk with your man. If he is okay with what you share, then let not what other people say worry you. If he is a little concerned, give yourself a break and move forward. We have all had to reevaluate where we are sometimes.
I pray that the Lord would renew your strength and fill you with His peace. Get a good night’s rest and when you wake up, leave yesterday behind you.
Know that you are loved and that you are valued.
Thank you, it is wonderful to get prayers. My husband really seems to like when I write about sex, so that isn’t a worry.
That is good to know! Your God is behind you and your man is behind you. Incidentally, although not important, I am behind you.
The prayers will continue. It certainly sounds like the enemy has you under attack. I once heard a pastor say, in regards to this matter, “Cheer up, it must mean you are doing something right!”
LOL! I hadn’t thought of it like that. I think what really might be happening is that I need to get off the computer to focus on homeschooling, and then suddenly I get 100 new daily readers and 10X more traffic than ever before. Got to make those sweet children a priority.
LOL… I see! Being on the computer can be addicting. I’m sure you’ll work out a balance though.
getting off now
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[...] When You’re Not Enough and Trying Too Hard (Passionate Christian Marriage) [...]