Escaped to my dirt roads (my sanctuary) with a bible this morning for a little one-on-one time with God. The wind on my face and the sound of the cottonwood leaves give me peace and release to be myself and to simply feel, and notice and absorb His presence. I told Him, “God I’m not enough today, I can’t seem to get things right, and I really suck at mystery and hard-to-get, my poor husband knows practically every thought that enters my head and has to deal with it somehow.” ” God, I’m not skinny enough, and I’m give way too much information on my blog about my sex life and everyone is going to think I’m trashy. But at the same time, I’m not interesting enough and slutty enough to keep his attention without some sort of game.” I release my fears to the One who listens and who loves me no matter how stupid I am and who will gently guide this lost sheep back to His fold.
So I open my bible and here’s what He has for me today.
He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20
Yes Lord, I’m feeling my heart being ripped apart and destroyed, perhaps I need to choose my friends more wisely?
And then I notice the flocks of birds feeding on the milo, and I’m reminded of how He will always take care of me and I needn’t worry.
And I open my bible again and He speaks to me loudly with this one…
“After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.
Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”
While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”
When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified. But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. ” Matthew 17:1-6
My God is powerful! Even if I’m not enough, He is! Even if I screw this marriage and life thing up daily, He is here to help and His power is like nothing here on earth. I can rest in Him and trust Him that He is working everything for good, no matter how bleak things seem.
So, today I’m going to lean on my Father heavily, let Him carry me back to where I need to go, and trust that everything is going to be okay.