Ellie, one of our readers, reminded me to look to Queen Esther for ideas on how to be submissive. Queen Esther was probably the hottest woman in the entire bible, she was chosen from hundreds of virgins who were paraded in front of the king to be the queen. She was probably around 14-16 years old, she was very beautiful and had “a lovely figure”.
Her husband, King Xerxes, was known to have a temper and he liked to have large parties with lots of drinking. He was very powerful, rich and had removed his previous queen because she refused to “display her beauty” in front of his drunken friends to enjoy, and I mean really, really drunk friends.
Well, a situation came up where Esther had to ask something very difficult of her husband, something she knew he wouldn’t want to do, something that he might have her killed for by even her asking. One of King Xerxes’ men had convinced him that he should kill all the Jewish people and take their money and their land because they believed differently and were a threat. Esther was Jewish (but the king did not know this), she wanted to save her people.
And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14b
So what did Esther do? How did she handle this man and get her request granted to save her people?
Esther asked all of the Jewish people to fast for her and she and her attendants also fasted for three days. After fasting, she made a request to see King Xerxes (No one was allowed to request to see the king, only he was allowed to request to see you. She risked death simply by doing this) She put on her royal robes and was allowed into his presence, he responded by asking what she wanted and told her that even if it was half the kingdom it would be hers.
3 Then the king asked, “What is it, Queen Esther? What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given you.”
4 “If it pleases the king,” replied Esther, “let the king, together with Haman, come today to a banquet I have prepared for him.”
She invited him and his friend who wanted to kill the Jews to a banquet the following night. At the banquet (with wine), the king asked her what her request was and she invited him to another banquet the following night. At the second banquet, the king again asked her, what is your petition, even up to half the kingdom I will grant you.
3 Then Queen Esther answered, “If I have found favor with you, Your Majesty, and if it pleases you, grant me my life—this is my petition. And spare my people—this is my request. 4 For I and my people have been sold to be destroyed, killed and annihilated. If we had merely been sold as male and female slaves, I would have kept quiet, because no such distress would justify disturbing the king.
The king was horrified and wanted to know who this man was that wanted to hurt Esther and her people. That is when Esther pointed to the man beside the king and accused him. The king immediately had him put to death.
Our examples of marriages from the bible are kind of strange, but Esther got a lot of things right and she was dealing with a very powerful, scary man and somehow managed to get what she wanted. Here are some of the things I think she did right that worked in her favor.
1. She trusted in God first, she fasted and prayed and had all her people fast and pray.
2. She made herself look very beautiful and appealing to her husband.
3. She was very respectful with her words and humble about her requests.
4. She fed him food and gave him wine to drink.
5. She was mysterious, she didn’t tell him what she wanted in the king’s court or at the first banquet.
6. She asked for his protection first, she appealed to his masculine nature as her husband before she even mentioned her people. She ended her request with great respect for him again.
After studying how she handles him, it makes it obvious to me why some of my talks with my husband aren’t turning out the way I want them to. It makes more sense why he would get angry or feel hurt. I’ve got a lot to learn from her.
Also, I wanted to give you a heads up that Nina is starting to blog her new book The Respect Dare: Foundations For Wives today (Wednesday)! She is an amazing writer with lots of good things to say. Go over and say hi!
- Esther, Queen of Persia too (bokertov.typepad.com)
- Beauty AND Brains (dainspires.wordpress.com)
- Introducing Esther (womenfromthebook.com)
- God is in the details (livingmoreabundantly.wordpress.com)