Every once in awhile I run across a man complaining on the internet that his wife just lays in bed like a starfish while they have sex. Yes he gets sex, but it isn’t that fun and it doesn’t seem like she really likes it, so he is unsatisfied. Unfortunately, I’ve been starfish sex woman in my past; and the sad part of the story is that I was really content. Sometimes I’d orgasm and sometimes he’d just do his thing and that’s what I thought sex was. I’ll admit, it was a little boring at times, but I just didn’t know there could be more to sex, so I just tried my best to be happy. I had no idea it was so awful for my husband and he wasn’t about to tell me about my sexual inadequacies because that just felt like he was begging for me to like him more and that doesn’t feel right. Sex isn’t as high of a need for women as it is for men, so it isn’t that big of a deal for a woman if sex isn’t super exciting all the time; but for a man it is a huge deal. The problem with this is that if you don’t tell your wife what a big deal it is, she’s not going to know, she probably assumes you are just like her and that men and women aren’t really that different, this is what I thought. A good way to explain it to her is by using her needs as an example, you could say, “Honey, how would you feel if I just stopped talking to you and I let you do all the talking. Not only that, but every time you talked to me, I just did what I was doing and didn’t look at you or really acknowledge you when you talked.” That is something your wife will understand, she KNOWS talking is important. Talking is a NEED of hers just like sex is a NEED of yours. If you are not happy with your sex life, it is your responsibility to let your wife know, because we don’t naturally understand men’s minds. We don’t have a clue what sex is supposed to look like (especially if we don’t watch porn), so figure out what you want out of sex and let your wife know. There is a good happy medium between starfish sex and porn sex. If you want her to moan and purr all throughout sex, tell her. If you want her to tell you how amazing and huge your dick is and how much she loves it, you have to tell her. If you want her to do most of the work sometimes, you have to tell her.
I’ve been reading the strangest blogs lately trying to figure out how to be good at sex. I just know that I’m not good enough and that my husband hasn’t been happy in the past, and I’ve tried so many weird things out on him lately, I’m not sure if he thinks I’m psycho crazy lady or if I’m just super into him. I don’t know if he likes dirty words during sex or if he wants me to be sweet and quiet. I ask him and all I get is, “Well, I really like how hard you are trying to make me happy.” Or “You seem enthusiastic!” There is no grading scale when it comes to sex, so the only way I know if I’m successful is by him saying so. And no, grabbing my boobs is not a signal to me that you like me, men actually need to use words if they want their wives to continue (or discontinue) doing something sexually. (We have needs too!)
The funny thing is though, (if I’m honest with myself); I wonder why do I have to go to the internet and read strangers’ blogs to figure out what my husband likes? This shouldn’t be necessary, my husband should be teaching me how to have sex, not strangers. So husbands, your wives want to make you happy, they really do; it’s your job to teach them the skills they need to know because most wives aren’t going to watch porn, and most wives aren’t going to wade through the blogs of men to figure out sex tips, and most wives aren’t going to study movies to figure out how to be good at sex, they are depending on you. It’s up to you to fix your sex life if you’re not happy with it. I believe that there is a sexual awakening process for every woman to go through that men need to gradually coax and encourage out of them.
Ladies, if you are currently a starfish woman, you are missing out on a lot of great sex, also you are missing out on a valuable opportunity to encourage and show your husband his significance in your life. When we have sex with our husbands and admire, encourage and let them know how wonderful they are, it greatly increases their self-worth and satisfies a deep need in them. So be loud and enthusiastic, try begging for his dick because you want it so badly, want him and let him know in obvious ways that you want him, show up naked in the living room and coax him into the bedroom with you. It is our job as wives to let our husbands know they are deeply loved, fully pleasing to us, and completely accepted and sex is an amazing opportunity for us to do that.
- Who Should Initiate Sex? (passionatechristianmarriage.wordpress.com)