Scribbles (Photo credit: abbyladybug)
I’ve been getting quiet little nudgings lately to stop writing about sex. I’m not sure what to do with them and I don’t know if I’m going to listen to them or if they are just emotions speaking. It’s more like vague reminders of the holiness of God and how sex is supposed to be holy and maybe only shared with your spouse, it should be so special and so respected and honored that to even talk about it in a setting where it might not be honored is to devalue it.
And thoughts about how sex isn’t what keeps a husband glued to his wife, an easy wife is disposable for a younger, sexier, easier one…maybe there is something more to this marriage thing?
And finally, nudgings about my value as a woman, how I need to stop chasing and simply start enjoying my husband for who is and for how God wonderfully made him. How I need to be me, I need to find my passions, I need to respect myself, I need to realize that I am deeply loved just as I am and this is not my fault and sex isn’t the answer, God is.
These are just some thoughts that have been running through my mind and I’m not sure what to do with them and I’m not sure where that leaves this blog.
God Bless!
Praying with you!!! God is leading, just follow.
schmuuuaack!
This is my take….
Marriage is a sacrament. God gave us the gift of marriage (and of sex between married couples) as a symbol of the union between Jesus and his Church, present in his sacrifice on the cross. Weird to think of it that way, but both are a holy union.
God also told us to go forth and witness to others. Sharing the word that married sex is a beautiful union, blessed by God, is a powerful thing. It’s a message that gets lost in today’s church. I think you’re doing a great service to that message. Sometimes we can get so caught up on “sex (outside of marriage) is BAD” that it’s hard to switch gears to consider sex (inside of marriage) as holy and good. It was for me.
It is indeed good to pray about it. Keep praying. I’ll pray too.
Sharing the word that married sex is a beautiful union, blessed by God, is a powerful thing.
I’d agree with you, thanks for the encouragement and prayers.
Good luck sorting everything out.
Thank you!
This message is needed among the lost who are broken and don’t know why. They may see christians as boring and dont understand the appeal of holiness. I find it refreshing. Please follow what God puts on your heart, but if people are bringing opposition, doesn’t that sometimes mean you are doing it right? Hush-Hush is the reason women can get so trapped because no one is available to answer their questions or prod them in the right direction.
so true, that was one of the main reasons I started the blog was to help women who were confused and I didn’t know where to look for sex advice.
I agree with RedPillWifey! I have met too many Christian women who are denying their husbands, which is causing major trouble! We need a place to point other women, where they will get good council and encouragement. There are women who need to be exposed to the fact that sex inside of marriage isn’t just a good thing, it’s a great thing!
I will continue to pray for you, that you would follow the Lord’s leading; whichever way it may be. Keep in mind though, it could just be the enemy trying to rob you (and your audience) of something beneficial! Pray well!
I have met too many Christian women who are denying their husbands, which is causing major trouble!
This does seem to be a big problem for Christian women especially. Thanks for your prayers.
I’ve met very few (sadly) Christian wives that are dying to self in this regard of sex. And most Christian authors seem to say the same thing as the world, ‘husband has to jump through a number of hoops (whatever those hoops are, depends and varies from wife to wife) in order to get his cookie.’ Jesus says nothing about obedience that depends on a husband’s behaviour … just to obey Him and him. I find most of the Christian information out there is just like the world’s, only peppered with a few Bible verses here and there; there are only a few books, sites that tell it like it is — yours is one of them.
Just because you talk straight forward about sex doesn’t mean you are making it less holy. I think the biggest sanctifier of keeping sex holy is staying married to the first person you had sex with. And short of posting porn images of you and hubby, I find it information sharing. I think we get too caught up in the “hush/hush” brainwashing of the legalists, and then our thinking gets constipated.
I find you warm, caring, humorous, succinct in your writing, as well as very informative and REAL. Real is the key here sister of mine.
Prayerfully consider Who or what is nudging you. When I run into a snag like this sometimes I will turn to Darrell. Afterall he is my covering and protection – my authority. When we chose God’s way to deal a decision — you just can’t go wrong. *hugz*
Just because you talk straight forward about sex doesn’t mean you are making it less holy.
You’re right….and thanks for all the compliments, you are a good friend to me.
This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
Dorsey, I really like your comments, but I have no idea how to test for this, it leaves me confused.
Christ in the flesh did no dishonor to His person. In fact, we use His fleshly experience as an indicator of Truth in seeking to discern spiritual things.
Your dilemma appears to be the same as keeping Christ in the holy of holies where He would be properly respected and honored vs. letting him out into the world where He will be mocked and reveled by common sinners.
Christ has come in the flesh, the veil has been torn from top to bottom. The holy is intertwined with the fleshly. The spiritual took on a likeness of sin. Knowing this, we must test everything. If Christ is there, He brings an abundance of life.
Ah, that makes things a little clearer, thanks for clarifying.
Dear Sis,
You are writing about the most beautiful and holy thing our Father has for us. The Holy Spirit will tell you what and how to write about this special gift people are going to receive within the commitment, covenant and consecration of holy matrimony.
When you are doing something good in the in spirit and in truth, you are going to get attack by “someone” who doesn’t like to hear God’s truth.
Writing about what God has put on your heart to write about is going to give you a lot of attack, I know what I am talking about.
May our Lord bless you and keep you filled with His grace, love and peace.
Thank you Reggea, you are a such a blessing, guide, and encouragement to me.
I agree, spend some time in prayer and listen to God. His word to you is almost never an immediate thing.
schmuuaack!
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time. I thought I should respond to this because when I read today’s, I thought “I’ve got to tell her what I have been wanting to say!” Your nudging is exactly what I have wanted to tell you and that usually means God wants to tell you something. I wanted to write and tell you for a while. Even though I feel I know you, but you don’t know me we have a lot in common. I have been where you are, sister (and yes I’ve read your story so I know). I really thought it was just about “sex” and the more I learned, experimented and read then maybe he’d always stay interested in me. I figured out that its not about me or how sexy I am or am not. It’s about my personal relationship with God and his own personal relationship with God. That is the “glue” not all the crazy sex books, blogs, and high heels (which I can’t wear
so that stinks!) when we are in sync with God, our sex life is where it should be. Crazy how its related. So please hear me for what its worth. Just be yourself. Love him. Love God. You cannot control him and make him stay interested. (That sucks, ha!) but allow God to work and He WILL!
Blessings!!
Hi Sharon, it’s good to meet you! I think your wise words express perfectly what I’m learning, although I won’t be neglecting the other things, just not depending on them.
Hello! I found your blog today as I was doing a little research because I feel the pull to blog about marriage and loving our husbands well. I connect with so much of what you say, and I felt compelled to respond to this post specifically. I don’t think any of us can confidently tell you – follow those nudgings or to ignore them. There is no question that there is a vast audience of Christian wives who need to hear your message and be held accountable for satisfying our husbands. But that doesn’t mean that God isn’t nudging you to tweak things a bit. I encourage you to prayerfully consider what you’re feeling and strive for obedience over what we – as your audience – thinks, because ultimately your relationship with Christ is what matters. I feel like I can so relate to what you’re saying. I have been a Christian since I was 12, and I was a “good” girl. And then after my first husband cheated on me and that marriage ended, I found myself thinking that the answer was to become more sexually adventurous… more like what men seemed to want. Fast forward almost 10 yrs and life would find me marrying a new love (someone that I had known since childhood). I enjoyed sex and I KNEW I was good at it… And yet, that didn’t stop me from finding out (3yrs into our marriage) that he was a sex addict that had not been faithful to me from day 1 of dating, including immediately after we were married and within a few months of our daughter being born. It has nothing to do with how “good” we as wives are. We have travelled a hard road for a year and a half since I found out and God is not only changing the way my husband thinks (slowly), but also the way I think. Initially, I thought that I needed to be “more” than all of those women. There is just no way. Seriously? Some were professionals. Did I even want to live up to that? But… holy sex? I didn’t see how that could be fun. I equated “adventurous” with “fun”. Thanks to some tremendous change and effort on the part of my husband (actually God working through both of us!), God has given me the gift of truly intimate sex with my husband. It is smoking hot, and it is holy. There is nothing that detracts from intimacy (think no positions where you are not able to look in each others eyes… believe me… there are plenty to choose from!) and everything is about our connection with each other. It is how we minster to and care for each other, focusing on pleasing the other but never sacrificing/degrading them for our own pleasure. Controlling what each of us puts into our minds only intensifies the feelings when we’re together. We still watch normal tv, but we find shows that don’t include nudity, lingerie, overtly sexual themes. We have to be careful because, as a recovering addict, it is easy for him to be triggered and possibly relapse. And as a traumatized spouse, certain situations in shows/movies can trigger me to relive that trauma. Now, I understand that my confidence in myself can’t be based on the opinions of a broken person. It only leads to heartache. The only place for me to look for my self-worth comes from the source of truth- Christ. And… now when my husband catches a glimpse of cleavage, or I wear something pretty for us to go out- whoa buddy! I can see his attraction to ME. And I understand that I am more than those women. I’m not a warm body with no emotional connection. It’s me he wants; all of me. Anyway, I apologize for the long comment. My main message was just to say… seek obedience above all- whichever way that is! And, sex doesn’t have to be “in your face” to be fun. Holy sex can be hot sex!
Hi Candace, thanks for visiting today.
With that kind of experience, I think you would make an excellent blogger about marriage. I love your comments, there is so much truth to them that I’ve been realizing also. It’s hard to write about how Christ is the only thing that matters, but these other things help without putting too much emphasis on “other things”. You’ll have to let me know when you start blogging so I can follow too!
“And finally, nudgings about my value as a woman, how I need to stop chasing and simply start enjoying my husband for who is and for how God wonderfully made him. How I need to be me, I need to find my passions, I need to respect myself, I need to realize that I am deeply loved just as I am and this is not my fault and sex isn’t the answer, God is.”
Fill your mind with the most noble, honorable, uplifting thoughts that you can find and the uncertain feelings about your value as a woman will lose control over you (check out “As a Man Thinketh by James Allen” – it is a free pdf download from google books).
Choose to refuse thoughts that question your value. Your husband may never fulfill your hopes and dreams, but you are doing a righteous and noble thing and occupy a special and honored place. Please do not allow your fears or sorrows to imprison you. God has set you free and you are free indeed.
Is. 46:4 – “Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you.”
I respect you and the way you are choosing to make lemonade from the lemons in life. I hope for your husband’s eyes to be opened with love and adoration for you. Please, please continue to cling to the Lord’s promises so that you are able to remain soft and kind to your husband, so that you are able to win him to the Lord “without words”. [I know you have said that he is active in the church, but the truth of the matter is that the Lord delivers the righteous man from the ways of the adulterous woman (Ecc. 7:26).] You are doing a beautiful and valuable thing in living a life that is a testimony to the faithfulness and love of God. Overcoming evil with good is truly the discipline of the Christian heart.
It sounds like you are at the stage where you are trying to move from devoting massive amounts of energy towards becoming the best wife to a more normal, relaxed pace of less intense self-improvement… I think this is perfectly normal. Allow yourself to reclaim your passions and hobbies and relinquish the striving.
Conduct yourself with dignity, saying less and doing more. The search for proof of value crumbles the spirit of a woman. Cultivate the beauty of a kind, gentle, and quiet spirit and allow your soul to find rest.
And in Him all things were made new.
I’m lucky to have you around for encouragement, you are gifted with words. Thank you!